A Horrible Feeling

On Sunday night, it was another rainy day here in St. George. My parents rented a condo in Vegas, so we decided to just be spontaneous and head down for the night. We had fun - on Monday we went to the M&M Factory, saw the lions at the MGM (and they were actually awake this time), got some candy at the little shop in the MGM, and saw the fish at the Silverton. This is what we typically do. I'm too leery of taking the kids too many places on the strip, so we always end up kind of doing the same thing, which doesn't seem to bother the kids at all. My kids are just too smart. They would see the various billboards and ask, "Why doesn't she have garments on? Why is she showing her tummy?" Even if we had them look straight ahead, there was always some yucky sign or crude T-shirt, etc. Anyway, we also like to go to the Nike Outlet, so we headed over there, too. While we were out there, we ate at Quiznos and let the kids eat on the picnic table outside. We could see them the whole time and I even made a comment about how grateful I was that they were completely oblivious to how creepy people and places can be and how unsafe Las Vegas was compared to where we live. Well, as we got back to the condo, Kaitlin says, "Mom, I need to tell you something. My stomach feels really yucky inside." So, I was afraid she stole something or something along those lines, but she proceeds to tell me that she had seen a naked girl in a magazine. Long story short, apparently there was a magazine in the bushes by the picnic table at Quiznos that they had seen. She was very explicit in what she saw and so I know it wasn't just a "typical" Vegas advertisement. Anyway, about the same time, Cole and the boys were at the Callaway Center and Brock told Cole the same thing. We were sick. So on the way home from Vegas we had to have a long talk with the kids about a few things you wish you would never have to bring up. My kids are 7 and 5. I can't believe the ways that Satan has polluted our society. Kaitlin came home from school the other day and said how much she hated hearing swear words. I was watching a movie that had said a few "minor" (minor - haha!) swear words, so I apologized, but then she said she especially hated the "F" word. I wanted to throw-up, but then I was hopeful that the "F" word was maybe FART or something like that! No, she spelled it out for me and sure enough, my worst fears were reality. That precipitated another long talk. Honestly, I just didn't hear this type of thing growing up. Growing up in California, in an area that was not predominately LDS, you would think I would have been exposed to more. I'm sure it was around me, but I was a senior or so before these types of worldly things began appearing. I explained that to her too. I can't believe some of the things she hears at school from the girls and boys in her class. It breaks my heart for the kids and the type of environment they must be living in - and this is a pretty good area compared to most. It scares me so much to imagine what my kids are facing, and at such a young age. Sometimes I get a little freaked out and consider pulling them out of school and running away to a very small town and hiding out forever! Haha, I would never actually do that, but sometimes it's tempting! I know my kids are strong enough to face all this, I just hope I can find the words to teach them what they need to know in the way they need to hear it. I also hope I have the courage to be proactive and protective at the same time. In the meantime, I'm pretty sure Cole and I have decided that any future trips to Las Vegas will involve avoiding the Strip and taking advantage of everything else there is in the outskirts of Vegas! On the bright side, before we came back on Monday night, my parents watched the kids so we could go eat at the Cheesecake Factory. I've never eaten there before and Cole has been wanting to take me. Cole's favorite dessert is cheesecake and we wanted to make sure we saved room to enjoy that, So we shared a meal (the Bellagio chicken) and a piece of Adam's Ripple cheesecake and came out of there less than 20 bucks (before tip :))! It was delicious and fun to take a little mini-date, although I must admit, I'm pretty sure I can make the same meal we ate and probably even make it a little yummier! Oh well, it was nice not to have to cook for the night!

Thought for Thursday

I love the way the Lord shows me His tender mercies to remind me that He is aware of all that is going on inside my scattered mind and crazy life! Last night was just another reminder that I am his daughter and that he does hear my prayers. I had the opportunity to go to a Stake RS Enrichment Night. The theme was "Coming Home," so naturally, it drew me in! It was amazing, but what was even more amazing was the way the Lord reassured me that what I am striving to create and have in my own home and life is what he wants me to be doing. There were 3 different speakers and 3 different musical numbers and although I got a TON out of the whole thing, there were a few very specific things that touched my heart. As a background to what is going on in my life right now, we have been contemplating selling our home. My parents have been looking for a new home and found us an amazing deal on a 3100 sq ft home with a 3 car garage. The home is brand-new on a 1/3acre lot. How can you go wrong? We could get out of this house no problem and be able to pay off our small-business loan and put money down on the new house, so it's a no-brainer, right? Wrong. As we got ready to make the final step towards putting up the sign, I just couldn't do it. I wanted my kids to have a "home." I love the feeling in my home. I love the spacious floor plan and the beautiful backyard. I love the open fields out our back fence. I love our neighborhood. I love our location. I LOVE my home ( I just wish it had a few hundred more sq feet!) So long story short, we decided to be happy and stay. We decide we would rather our children have "roots" than square footage and that we wanted them to have somewhere to "come home" to, with people that know and love them. The minute we made that decision, I felt such a peace and I knew that my Heavenly Father was proud of me for the decision we had made.

So last night, the speakers talked about the Doctrine of the Family, Parenting with Power, and With Your Hand in Mind. All of the talks spoke a lot of marriage specifically and about loving our husbands and our lives with all our hearts. We were reminded that when we were told of the Plan of Happiness and that we were going to come to earth, be married and have families, we shouted for joy. The question was asked, "Are we shouting for joy now? Or are we shouting at the kids? How do we bless the lives of our families and show them how anxious and excited we were to come to this earth and be with them? Do our children and specifically, our husbands, know how much we love them?"

Here are a few of the statements or ideas that really touched my heart:

Sister Hutchinson spoke of the doctrine of the family and spoke of 5 ways to strengthen our families. The 4th thing she spoke of was being an "example of the believers." She said that we needed to pray, read scriptures, do genealogy, attend the temple and hold family home evening as if eternity depended on them - because indeed it does. She said, "Believe that families are forever and live like you are happy about that!" I thought the was really cute. Do LDS families really portray in a positive light the blessing that we believe in? I wonder if people sometimes think we are crazy to want to be with our families forever if we can't even enjoy them here on earth? Anyway. The 5th thing she spoke of was to "really love our husbands." She said, "Pray for the love that makes us see the good. Pray for the love that makes mistakes seem small. Pray for the love that helps make our husbands joys our own. Pray for the love that helps lessen their loads and soften their sorrows." I think this type of love sounds amazing. We have glimpses of it, but after a time, it goes away. I would love to see our life if this type of love existed everyday.

While discussing the importance of purposeful parenting, Sister Susan Green spoke about the importance of giving children the things they need, not the things they want. One of the things she spoke about was that children need to develop their gifts and talents. "They need to develop the things they can give and share with others." I loved this direction. With the wide variety of activities available to our children, I sometimes have a hard time deciding what to focus on. I loved this guideline. I want Kailtin to graduate from high school prepared to be a mother and a wife. I want her to know that it is going to be hard, but to be excited about fulfilling her role on this earth. I want to her to know how to cook, clean and bless the lives of her family. I really liked the focus this gave me in helping Kaitlin develop the things that will bless others.

She also spoke about family prayer, family scripture study, and family home evening. She said, "Nothing can replace them. There IS NO SUBSTITUTE." Then she testified that God would bless our consistent efforts, even when our attempts are not always perfect.

She testified that we are prepared as mothers, to face the warfare that is attacking our homes, that we have been taught and guided and that if we follow the commandments and stick to the counsel of the prophets, we will be able to safely guide our families through the storms and the floods that are coming our way. She relayed a pictures she had seen of a father kneeling beside the bed of his sleeping child. The picture was titled, "Spiritual Warfare." I loved this concept. We really are at war with powers and principalities that threaten to destroy our homes, our marriages and our children. Sometimes we forget that although our children were preordained to come forth at this specific time, we were as well. We have the tools we need to protect our families and our marriages. We are prepared to do whatever it takes to protect and cultivate that which is most sacred.

The final speaker, Sister Hancock, spoke about our marriages. I loved this quote, "marriage can be a more exultant ecstasy that mind can even imagine!" She spoke a lot of the woman's ability to create the marriage she has always dreamed of. She spoke of the woman at the well and then said that "marital status and spiritual state go hand in hand." I thought that was very interesting and true. The key to a better influence is living the sermon on the mount, not giving the sermon on the mount. But my favorite part of the whole conference was the very last point she made when she pleaded with us to stay in the center of our god-given roles.

She used a circle and explained that the farther we move in one direction or another, away from the center, the more the centrifugal force will pull us away from our place in the center of our homes, our marriages, our children's lives, etc. I think that this hit me so strongly because I know how true that is. I look back at when I was working and trying to do it all and I can see how far off center I was. I was trying to get back to the center, but there truly was a "force" pulling away from the things that should have mattered most. I am so grateful now that Heavenly Father blessed my efforts to make my home my focus and intervened in his own way to answer my prayers. I'm a little ashamed that the Lord knew the only way he could ever get me to give up all my worldly pursuits and stay home and be a mom was to put me in bed, sick and miserable, for 6 months. I am just grateful he knew me and created a way that I could finally walk away from the things that I thought were important to the the things I know are.

One of my other favorite parts was this concept - "If you want to change your life, change your perspective." I believe this with my whole heart and I also think that the perspective that we must to take needs to be a bird's-eye one. I thought about my morning today. Crazy - up early, tired, trying to get kids out of bed, teeth brushed, breakfast made and cleaned up, dishwasher emptied, shoes tied, books signed and back in backpacks, lunch made, notes written, beds made and prayers said. It all seemed a little crazy to me, but when they were all gone, I took a moment to reflect and I was able to see how this morning might have looked from a perspective far greater than my own. What Heavenly Father sees is a mommy who loves her kids so much that she gets up a little early to make sure she is ready for them. A women who gave up all else she could have had in life to raise these little children and love them. He sees happy children who love each other and are secure and happy. He sees a family striving to do what's right - to say prayers and have a home of order. He feels the peace (among the craziness) of a family that knows their purpose in life. He doesn't see the messy floors or the wrinkled clothes. He doesn't pay attention to the minutes ticking by or all the pressures from the world. It was humbling to look at this one morning from a different perspective. I can guarantee that looking at every day from this perspective would change my life.

I'm just so grateful for the RS program. God knew that we needed eachother and that the RS program would be a strength to us. I am grateful for last night, for leaders who were inspired in their messages. I am grateful I made the sacrifice to go and that Cole supported me (even if forced) in my decision to go. Mostly, I am grateful for the knowledge that I am a daughter of God and that he know me. I am definitely not perfect, but last night reminded me that my life really is good. I love my husband and I love my kids. It's not everything, but it's enough for me. I wouldn't trade my crazy life for anything.

My final thought, was this, "Our desires for lasting and eternal love will be realized if it is what we want above all else."

In my opinion, that kind of love is worth waiting for, worth fighting for, worth trying for and worth crying for.

2 Years Back...

This was our life, almost exactly 2 years ago., when I first got a digitial camera and started putting pictures online. I can remember these moments just like they are yesterday! Funny how they don't really look all that different than they do now.

Thought for Thursday - Don't tell me it isn't inherent!

Look at that smile! This is Allison's first exposure to chocolate - a graham cracker with chocolate frosting - and look how much she loves it! See, it just is...girls, whether old or young, LOVE chocolate! Why fight it?! I know that for me, sometimes there is just nothing better than eating a few Hershey Kisses or sipping a cup of hot cocoa!

"There's more to life than chocolate, but not right now!"

"Man cannot live on chocolate alone, but a woman sure can!"

"When the going gets tough, the tough eat chocolate!"

"All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!"

Another year, another unexpected expense

Every year towards tax time I get excited thinking about all of the things that we are going to do with our tax refund. In years past, we have paid for swing sets, a gate, a block wall, a trip to Cabo and several other fun and exciting, unexpected things including a new transmission for Cole's truck, a new transfer case for my Expedition, and of course, paying off our baby deliveries! For the past 4 years we have had the hope of replacing the carpet in our front room and getting a jacuzzi tub for our bathroom. This year, we even thought we might be able to re-do our master shower. Well, as fate would have it, 2 weeks ago something unexpected occurred, ruining our dreams once again! This time it was our refrigerator. We have repaired the poor thing several times, but this time, it finally gave up the ghost! Cole came in one day to find a gigantic puddle all over the kitchen floor. The ice had completely melted and was dripping out the freezer door! After some debate, and several annoying days later (you just don't realize how much you use a fridge), we finally decided we might as well buy a new one rather than try to find a used one. So we headed over to Boulevard to do our first ever shopping for a new refrigerator. Let me just say, it is insane how many models, makes and features fridges have on them these days! We are pretty dull people, so we went for another white, fairly basic model. The good news was that we got it on sale for $429 less than the retail price. The bad news is that is was still $956! Siiiggghhh. I guess it's necessary to have a fridge, but...I guess I won't be getting my jacuzzi tub again this year! It has a feature where the light gradually gets brighter when you open the door, the smooth door handles will be easier to clean and it does feel a little bit more spacious, but other than that, I really don't notice much difference from my old one. My mom always comes over and opens the door, watching the light get brighter, and says, "Don't you just love your new fridge?" My answer, "I don't really notice any difference!" If you think I'm being silly about this, just check out the pictures below. I'm not sure why I thought to take the "before" pic, but at least now I can prove my case!

The old fridge

The new one, before all the stuff stuck too it!

When the boys are away, the girls will play!

Last weekend, Cole and Ladd headed to Primm, NV for their annual golf "mancation!" In the meantime, Dallas was in Montana for Taxidermy school and so...Krystal, Amy and I decided we were going to have some fun too! The weekend fun started when Amy came down from Cedar on Friday. We headed to Wal-Mart to buy some fun stuff to make some Valentine's projects with. Then we had fun trying all kinds of different things with the kids. All in all, we made some really cute necklaces and bracelets using sweethearts and cellophane. We also made some valentines using Dum-Dums and flower cut-outs and some cute candy holders made out of envelopes and hearts. It was really fun, but then, poor Amy was treated to my attempts at being a good housewife! I found this recipe for Hamburger Roll-ups made using Bisquick, vegetable soup and hamburger. Sounds okay, right? Wrong!!! It was very unusual, to put it nicely! Of course, having said that, Amy and I were so hungry by the time it finally got done (I cooked it about 40 minutes longer than it said because I was so paranoid about the beef being cooked thoroughly) that we both ate it anyway! Did I say ate it? I should have said scarfed it! We both took seconds, too! The funny thing was that the kids all ate all of theirs and they are pretty picky! It is so odd what kinds of things kids will eat! Anyway, after getting the kids off to bed, it was time for my favorite...talking, talking, talking...until 2:00am talking, in fact! The next day, after we all got a little rest, we headed out to dinner and a movie! We went to see "When in Rome" and it was hilarious! It was one movie that I thoroughly enjoyed, laughed at and just felt happy while I watched. Then we headed to Wingers for dinner and were surprised to see a friend of Amy's from high school be our waiter. He treated us like queens, giving us (FREE) House salads and the hugest piece of Concrete pie that you have ever seen! We laughed and laughed and ate almost every bit of that pie before we finally went home. After forking out a small fortune to the babysitter, we put the kids to bed and spent the rest of the night making bows and flowers and laughing like a bunch of school girls! By about midnight, we had totally lost it! You know that point where you can't stop laughing and everything anyone says is HILARIOUS? Yep, we were at that point! Krystal was the smart one who opted to head home and get some sleep. Amy and I? Nope, we aren't that smart! We spent 4 more hours talking, laughing and solving all the world's problems! We finally went to bed at 4:45 when we couldn't keep our eyes open anymore! I can't believe what a great weekend it was. It reinvigorated me and reminded me how important it is to have fun and to step outside of the day-to-day. I am so grateful for my sister-in-laws. I am amazed how quickly we have become such good friends and how similar, yet very different we are. I feel reassured knowing that they will always be there for me and that we are just scratching the surface of all the fun we will have in the future! I was exhausted, but it really was a wonderful weekend! The only downside was that we didn't have all of our sister-in-laws with us. We kept saying how much fun it would have been if we had all been there. If you are reading this, you were so, so missed! I love you!

So here is a brief version of our craftiness (and craziness)!

These are just a few of the flowers we made.

And of course we had candy!

A few more of the flowers we made

And here is the part when we began to loose it!

Krystal pulling her "sexy" look for Ladd! (Note the modelling of the flowers in the meantime!)

Hmmm...I really wanted to leave this pic out since it is scary, but that wouldn't have been fair to Krystal and Amy! I hope I wasn't trying to do a sexy look because...it just isn't! Gotta love the headband of flowers though!

Poor little Amy - Krystal and I pretty much covered her in flowers! Who does this? I guess you can tell just how tired we were at this point!

And finally, a normal pose modelling the flowers! You can tell this one was taken in the morning when all the craziness had worn off!

Who cares how silly we look - we had a blast!

Playing Hooky

Wednesday is the one day of the week that Cole doesn't have to work and this Wednesday he decided we wanted to take the kids out of school and go have some fun. We tossed around all kinds of options - Vegas, Pine Valley, Panguitch, Richfield - but in the end, we decided to have a "staycation" right here at home. Tuesday night we watched Land Before Time, made and decorated sugar cookies and popped popcorn. Then, Wednesday, we hit the town! For lunch we went to Pirate Island Pizza and were pleasantly surprised that it was "kids' hour!" They had Peter Pan playing on the big screen and we spent forever just hanging out and watching the movie. After that it was off to our beautiful red mountains for some hiking. We found a trail we had never been on before and spent about 3 hours trekking it! It was so nice to get out in the beautiful weather and feel the sun on our faces, especially considering most of the rest of the state is still covered in snow. When we started hiking, I was cold, but within minutes, we were all stripping off clothes - it was a BEAUTIFUL day! After our hike it was over to Grandma Toblers for a cookie and then up to the Airport Park. This used to be our favorite place to go and we went almost 3-4 times a week when we lived in our house in Green Valley. It's a little out of the way now, but being there felt just like old times and I'm sure we will start going there a bunch more. We spent a few hours playing football, building sand castles and just hanging out. It must have been rush-hour at the airport too because we saw 10 planes in the last hour we were there! It made it perfect! I'm so glad Cole thought to do this because it was a day of a lot of fun and lots of good memories!

This could be called the "BEFORE" pic because within a few minutes you will see that they are all undressed!

Who needs to travel to far-off places to see beautiful scenery? Not us!


Allison had a blast! She jibber-jabbered most of the way, which I was suprised at since she had missed both of her naps that day!

Yikes - look at those white little boys! We got some odd looks from a few older couples who hiked by, but I didn't care!

Right at the end she tinkered out! Poor kid, she probably got a 3 minute nap before we had to get her out and put her back in her car seat. She moaned and whimpered until she got a cookie from Grandma Toblers. Then she was good to go for 2 more hours at the park!

She wasn't sure what to think about the wood chips!


Building their first sand castle!

Thought for Thursday - What I learned from Alfredo

We just finished eating our yummy dinner - homemade Fettuccine Chicken Alfredo and I nailed the Olive Garden recipe! I even made homemade bread sticks that tasted almost exactly like Olive Garden's. I have been searching and searching for the perfect Alfredo recipe, mainly since my husband probably single-handedly keeps Olive Garden in business! Anyway, watching him scarf down his food and comment on how good it was, I realized how much I love making dinner and eating at home. This was kind of an odd revelation for me, because eating at home was something that we didn't do much of when I was growing up and something we haven't done much of since we have been married, either. Growing up, we had a small family and my mom worked full-time, so it was just easier to eat out. This has created a very hard adjustment for me as I became a stay-at-home mommy because I don't have a very large repertoire of recipes and I also didn't think I was a very good cook. Therefore, we have just kind of followed what I have always known and continued the pattern of eating out. We have mastered every money saving scenario, learned how to split meals, etc and so in some ways, we rationalized that it was cheaper to eat out. Sometimes this is true, but it just doesn't give me the fulfillment that making meals does. I always liked the idea of cooking at home, but whenever I tried to make menus and meals, it just became a nightmare and I'd quit a few days into the process. I am proud to say that I have now made meals at home, exclusively, for the past 4 weeks. This is a huge accomplishment for me and I can't believe the pride I feel in doing it. There is nothing like feeling proud of a meal you have made and watching your family gobble it up. Plus, I've learned that I am actually a pretty good cook! I am realizing more and more that "homemaking" is a talent, one that we all have, but one that we must work at. But I have also learned that your heart has to be in it for it to mean anything. It has always seemed like making meals at home was such a huge chore, but now, I look forward to making my dinners each night. I don't even mind cleaning up afterwards! I am excited to keep teaching Kaitlin about the joys of being a homemaker. Don't worry, I'll warn her about all the hard times, the frustrations, and the stuff that drives me crazy, too! I guess what I'm trying to say, what the thought for today is, is what this quote says:

"The trick of happiness is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same."

I also love Marjorie Hinckley's quote, it doesn't really apply to today's thought, but I use this one A LOT!

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."

And last of all, another beautiful quote, one of my very favorites from Sister Hinckley that reminds me that I am okay just the way I am!

"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."