To Infinity and Beyond

When I was younger and in seminary, my seminary teacher gave us an assignment to create an "ensign" for ourselves.  It was supposed to encompass who we were.  It was in connection with our lesson on Captain Moroni and his title of liberty.  I didn't have to think long to come up with exactly what I wanted to do.  My ideas were quick, to the point and got my message across.  I knew who I was and what I represented.  There was no wishy-washiness, no debate, no sitting on the fence.

My "ensign" was simple.  On orange (my favorite color), I drew a stick figure of me. In a dress. With a tennis racket in one hand and bouncing a basketball with the other.  My feet had a Nike running shoe on one foot and a flip-flop on the other.  My hair was longer than it actually was at the time and was flipped out. (I've always thought flipped out hair showed spunk!)  Around my neck hung a medal. And my face had a huge smile.  Across the top, I wrote, "To Infinity and Beyond."

That was who I was.  Confident, quick, self-assured and simple.  I loved the phrase "To Infinity and Beyond."  It has always intrigued me and motivated me.  I loved Buzz Light Year!  I think we can learn so many lessons from him.  *But that's a story for another time!  The funny thing is, if I had the chance to create an ensign for  myself again, I don't think it would be that different from the one I created all those years ago.  Of course, I would probably have some dirt smudges on my shirt from my kids, be wearing a nursing cap and would be followed by a few little replicas of me, but all in all - I think I would be pretty much the same.

Anyway, I think it's funny that so many years ago, I created that ensign for the world to know who I was and what I stood for, but of course, the person it taught and means the most to...is me.

You see, I went to "infinity and beyond" a few weeks ago. I accomplished my seemingly impossible. Armed with my running shoes and my best friend by my side, I set out and succeeded in doing something I set my mind to.

Okay, now for the background to this story.  In January, I went home to see a bunch of friends from high school.  It was such a fun trip.  So needed. But when I got home, I made a decision that has driven me the last few months.  I almost didn't go "home" to see all my friends because I was embarrassed of how fat I am.  I almost missed out on one of the neatest experiences in my life.  I realized I was not going to hide from my weight anymore.  I decided to start right then.  I looked up a Couch to 5K program and asked Cole if he would do it with me.  Thinking back, it's funny how significant that step was.  Many times, I have tried to start fitness or weight goals without involving Cole. This time, I felt like I just couldn't do it without him.  I remember downloading the program and laughing at how simple it was.  For the first workout, I was supposed to run 2 minutes.  That's it - 2 minutes.  I remember thinking, "Seriously? How pathetic!"  However, when I actually did that workout, it wasn't so pathetic!  At the end of 2 minutes, I seriously COULD NOT breath!  I felt like I was going to pee my pants and wasn't sure I was even going to be able to walk the rest of the way home.  (Seriously, it was that bad!)

Over the next several weeks, the workouts gradually increased and each time, I was so surprised and thrilled that I could complete them!  As the workouts lengthened, so did my confidence.  I remember one weekend when Cole was out of town and Kaitlin went with me on my "run."  I was supposed to run 7 minutes, essentially, one lap around our neighborhood.  When we started, she was running really fast and was way ahead of me.  She came back, and was able to pretty much walk beside me and keep up. At the end of the 7 minutes, I almost threw up.  I remember her looking at me so concerned.  I wanted so badly to have been acting like it was no big deal to run that, but the fact was - it was hard.

Over the weeks from January to March, Cole and I have been entirely dedicated.  We ran 3 times a week every week and often ran 4 times. Our lives revolved around our workouts.  We would leave parties early, stay home from date nights to run and get up early to run when our night schedules were just too busy.  We ran in the rain...A LOT.  In fact, I actually got to the point that I LOVED running in the rain.  We ran on vacation. We ran late in the night.  We never ran on a Sunday.  And besides the 2 workouts that he was on his "mancation," we never ran alone.  I can honestly say it was one of the most amazing journeys I have ever had.  Cole and I grew so close together and I have grown to crave our runs.

About half way into our training, Cole said, "You know the day of the race, I am going to run ahead, right?"  OH NO YOU DON'T.  I calmly, but firmly said, "No you won't.  This race is not about you.  We all know you can go out there and run laps around me.  I know you could go out there and run an 8 minute mile.  This race is about me setting a goal and accomplishing it and you are going to run right next to me the entire time and be my strength.  I have watched you play in a bazillion softball games and this is what you are going to do to repay me for all of that!;)"  Well, I think he got the idea in a hurry, because he never mentioned it again!  No, instead, he ran right by my side, at my caterpillar pace, and never criticized or pushed.  He let me train for and run my race, the way I needed to. I love him so much for that.  I honestly needed him to run there beside me and to remind me not to quit. The day that race came, I knew I could do it.  I believed in myself, but until then, he sure helped me get to that point.

Around February, I heard an advertisement for "The Biggest Loser 5K."  It was going to be held at the end of March, which was about when I thought we would finish our training. It would be run around Tuacahn, and would feature some of the contestants from NBC's the Biggest Loser. This is the first season I have ever watched the Biggest Loser and it has helped me a ton, so I decided it was a "sign," signed Cole and I up, and stayed focussed.

The race came much faster than I imagined.  But I knew I was ready and I was so excited.  As Cole and I got up Saturday morning, I was really emotional.  I had worked so hard for this day and I felt like for the first time in a really long time, I was ready to compete again.  I was so excited because the morning was overcast and had a chance of rain.  Like I mentioned before, Cole and I were used to running in the rain!  I thought it might even be poetic if it rained!

My mom and dad, the girls and Ladd and Kris all came out to Tuacahn to cheer us on. (The boys had a soccer game.) 

 

I love my face. I was so nervous at that starting line. There were 600 runners! It was crazy-packed!



This was after the first lap.  At this point, I was definitely feeling the burn!  I always have a hard time getting to the first mile.  After that, I am able to just keep running. The course had a lot of uphill grades and between those and the challenge of finding my own pace amongst all those runners, I was definitely feeling it at this point!



Okay, so before we move on to any more pictures, I must say something.  I was excited to run the biggest loser 5K because I knew there were going to be a lot of people just like me - trying to get back in shape and to who they really are.  I knew there would be some skinny girls, but knew there would also be some that were bigger than me.  I haven't lost much weight during my training, but I feel good.  Healthy and fit.  However, looking at these pictures, I was discouraged.  I still have such a long way to go.  These pictures embarrass me a lot, but I decided that IT. IS. WHAT. IT. IS.  I am what I am and even as big as I am right now, I RAN a 5K. Go me - regardless of how ugly I looked running it!



After running the first lap, you head out onto a road that is away from everything.  It was nice to finally have the quiet to "settle in" and think about what I was doing.  All around me, people stopped running and started walking.  That was probably one of the hardest things - just staying focused on my pace and my breath and ignoring what was going on around me.  Holy cow, the road was long and it was a WHOLE lot of uphill!  I was so proud of myself though because I did not stop running.

 



This was the final lap around before heading to the finish line.  I HATE this picture.  I was seriously just trying to convince myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other!  I love that Cole has his totally cute smile, like "this is just a walk in the park" look, while I, on the other hand, look like I am about ready to die! My dad said, "I was really worried about you at that point.  You didn't look so hot!" RUDE! Of course, looking at this picture, I can sort of see why!

Surprisingly enough, I even had enough juice left to sprint in the last 200-300 meters or so.  I pushed it so hard.  It felt so good to run that fast and to know that I was finishing something I had worked so hard for. We finished the race on Tuacahn amphitheater's stage.  It was amazing.  As we came across, there were contestants from prior season of the Biggest Loser there cheering for us and the amphitheater seating had friends and families cheering.  It was a really neat finish.



Don't worry, I was okay! I was just a little overwhelmed and out of breath...and very sweaty! I love the look on Kaitlin's face though!

 

And there we are...all done! After months and months of training, I ran an entire 5K! A few minutes after we finished, the sky opened up and it started POURING!  It was beautiful.  The perfect ending to a wonderful race and goal.  The coolest thing about this race was that we finished 5 minutes faster than I thought we would and that my very best friend in the world ran right there beside me the whole time.  Thank you, honey! 

After the race, I was trying to describe how it felt to accomplish something like that and I said, "You probably don't understand because it wasn't that big of a deal to you.  You could go out and run 5 miles any day of the week."  He said, "No, it was still hard.  I think I sweated a little!"  Sigh!  haha!

And there you have my journey of accomplishing what I thought was impossible!

And that makes me wonder....what else am I NOT doing because I think it's impossible! 

Clearly, we can do WHATEVER we put our minds up to....so what's next?!