Thought for Thursday

I'm probably throwing this out there more for myself than anything else, but these are the thoughts on my mind today! Do you ever feel like you are running in a million different directions and really not making a difference anywhere? This year, I decided that WAS not going to be me anymore! I can't stop doing the things that I am doing - I am still Primary President, I am still Kaitlin's room mom, I am still a visiting teacher, I am still mommy of 4 kids and a wife, but I CAN stop saying "YES" to all the millions of other things that take me away from doing what I want and need to be doing right here at home. Mainly, for me, my focus needs to be me again. I have 4 beautiful kids that I love and give a lot of time and energy to. That's the way it's supposed to be and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but somewhere in there, I have to MAKE time for me, too. This year, my focus is on simplifying all the "STUFF" that goes on around us and bringing it all back "HOME." Now this is where it gets a little odd for me because as a child, I was enrolled in every imaginable extracurricular activity possible, and I LOVED it! But for my own kids...I can't help feeling like I want them to take advantage of every minute that they have to play together at home, to sit in the backyard and laugh together, to stay awake at night talking about everything under the stars! It seems so opposite from what I thought I would want for them, but somehow, lately, all the "EXTRA" things I thought I would want them to be involved in...just don't seem important anymore. Last night, we played Dominoes before bedtime and if you could have been a fly on our wall and heard all the giggles and the silly songs they made up and the crazy stories they shared...you would probably still be laughing! Earlier this week, I was sitting at the piano practicing the Hymns (one of my talents that needs reinvigorating!) and Kaitlin came in and sang while I played. It was such a special moment. Later last week, I was working on indexing (a task that has been neglected of late) and Brandon asked me what I was doing. It was neat to explain what it was and not have to say that I was just wasting time doing something else on the computer. Anyway, moments like that just don't happen when I am stretched thin and trying to be everything! So...the bottom line is...I quit! I quit feeling guilty for not clipping every coupon and saving HUNDREDS of dollars when I go shopping, I quit feeling guilty for not working anymore, I quit feeling responsible to help the people in Haiti, I quit feeling like I am a bad mom for all the things I do that my mom would have never done, I quit trying to be there for everyone all the time, and most of all, I quit looking at everyone else's lives and thinking about all that I could do to be more amazing, the way they are. This resolution involved closing my Facebook account, which was amazingly hard! (How stupid is that?) I love Facebook, I love that I have reconnected with friends that I have missed for the past 10 years. I love checking the status updates and feeling like I know so much more about the people in my ward, neighborhood, and friends from the past. But, for me and my highly addictive personality, my nosiness and desire to be "in the know" drives me nuts! Every time I'm on the computer, I am driven to check the updates and see if anything else is going on! When Cole and I go on dates, half the time I end up talking about everyone else's lives and what so and so wrote, etc.! I also knew I was in trouble when something would happen and I would think, "I need to put that on Facebook!" Yikes! The other problem is my big ol' heart. When I see an update about someone in my neighborhood(or anywhere else for that matter) being sick or having a bad day, I feel like I should take soup, or watch kids, or take a soda, send a card or flowers, or just do something. I sometimes spend a whole morning trying to figure out what I should do when the reality is...I have enough to do in my own home to keep my plenty occupied. I think I carry so much of what is going on in other people's lives on my shoulders that it is starting to weigh me down. My prayers are so much more lengthy now that I have to pray for all 110 friends on Facebook! Not that it is a bad thing, but it is just something I can't deal with anymore, not now anyway. I have so many things I want to do instead, and granted, if I was more self-controlled and could limit myself to once a week or something like that, it would be fine...but I am just not! I am so sad to once again lose contact with some of the people from California that I love, but the friends that really mean something and influence me in this phase of my life, will still be here and will still call and keep in touch. For right now, I have my own family and that is where my focus will be. I love the way the Lord touches my life with His tender mercies. While I was practicing the piano this week, I came across this song:

"I have work enough to do, ere the sun goes down.

For myself and kindred too, ere the sun goes down.

Every idle whisper stilling with a purpose firm and willing,

All my daily tasks fulfilling, ere the sun goes down.

I must speak the loving word, ere the sun goes down.

I must let my voice be heard, ere the sun goes down.

Every cry of pity heeding, for the injured interceding,

To the light the lost ones leading, ere the sun goes down.

As I journey on my way, Ere the sun goes down.

God commands I must obey, ere the sun goes down.

There are sins that need confessing; There are wrongs that need redressing

If I would obtain the blessing, ere the sun goes down."

I definitely have enough work to do, but I wouldn't trade a bit of it!

My sweet Primary kids. I continue to be amazed at the way my heart can grow with love for them and the lessons I keep learning through my service to them.
This is my family one year ago...ONE YEAR AGO! Look how much we have all changed! ONE YEAR!

My little girls...I have so much I want to teach them about how to be good little housewives and about the blessings of being daughters of God.

Kaitlin is turning 8 in March! Where did the time go? There's so much she doesn't know, so much more I want her to learn before she makes the first step on her way back to our Father in Heaven. Where did all the time go?!

And this little nut is 1 already! Before I know it she will be off to Kindergarten and who knows, by then, they may not even be allowed to say the Pledge of Allegiance or acknowledge God's hand in anything.

Yep, I have work enough to do, ere the sun goes down! (For the record, I WILL not be getting rid of my blog! This is my journal for my posterity!)